07.27.2013 07:40 PM

In Sunday’s Sun: we don’t give a shit what you think, old chap

“If you don’t care about the royal baby, don’t bother telling the rest of us you don’t care.”

That was my personal message to assorted grumps, grouches and anti-monarchists Tuesday following the birth Monday of His Royal Highness, Prince George of Cambridge. I could take it no more, Your Babiness, and I struck back with the only sword available to me: A tweet.

Twitter, as HRH Prince George will shortly become aware, is the way in which the world now collectively experiences things. In the era of his great, great, great grandmother, Victoria, it was the town herald in the village square. Later, with great-grandmother Elizabeth, it was broadcasts and watercoolers.

Nowadays, it is Twitter. We all sit around observing the great moments of our age — presidential debates, Super Bowl games, Game of Thrones episodes and (naturally) Anthony Weiner press conferences — and comment on Twitter.

Twitter renders us one big cynical and dyspeptic family, sniping and snarking about whatever shows up on our TV screens. It is as if we are all sprawled out in a gigantic living room, offering up our wit and indignation about what passes for news. And, this week — apart from the aforementioned Weiner’s, er, weiner — what passed for news was the royal naissance of George.

Now, if you eyeballed any one of the kabillion available photographs of George, you would have noticed this about him: He is a baby. He looks, sounds and (likely) smells like any other baby. It is nice that he is among us (as is the case with every other baby), and we wish him luck on life’s journey (ditto).

That is not the sentimentality of a monarchist. I am, most days, as unenthusiastic about monarchies as I am about dictatorships and the Senate. I do not believe anyone should ever exercise great power unless they have first been elected to do so.

But, the bile and the biliousness on Twitter was something to behold, even for a ribald commoner such as I. Over and over, the grumpy republicans felt compelled to inform the rest of us, ad nauseum, why paying any attention to Prince George was an outrage. All while they themselves were, er, paying attention.

It was the same thing over on Canada’s best-loved political website, warrenkinsella.com. For posting something that sounded (and was) anti-republican, I was excoriated by left and right. My personal favourite: Philippe, who advised me that I was “absurd,” and helpfully added “you’re being ridiculous in giving a s— about such insignificant nonsense.”


Philippe, and not a few others, were missing the point. If so many folks were so opposed to the monarchy and its latest addition — if so many DID NOT CARE as much as they insisted they DID NOT CARE — well, then, why go to all the trouble of tweeting interminably about it? Why post something on Facebook? Why call a call-in show? Why bother?

Why, um, care?

In this way, crazed anti-monarchists remind us of crazed atheists.

They are more preoccupied with saying they dislike/disbelieve than those who actually do like/believe in God or Her Majesty or whatever.

I mean, honestly, if you don’t care, why don’t you — apologies in advance for this commoner’s phrase, your majesties — why don’t you STFU?

That is a singularly inappropriate acronym to deploy when in the presence of royalty, but it fits. If average folk, starved as they are for good news, would like to hear a bit of blathering about a royal baby, is anyone hurt?

Will our constitutional framework collapse?

Will it kill you to read about something nice, for a change?

It wouldn’t. Thus, my full tweet to the grumps and grouches:

“If you don’t care about the #RoyalBaby, don’t bother telling the rest of us you don’t care.

Because we couldn’t care less you don’t care.”


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    rob says:

    It’s possible to accept the importance of the monarchy AND think the fact that hundreds of media camped out in front of a hospital for days on end is ridiculous.

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    Eric Weiss says:

    Love it. I despise the Monarchy, but it’s a baby. Little guy hasn’t even been fitted for his teeny tiny crown and sceptre yet. All anyone should have to say is “awww”, and congrats to the parents.

    Debate about the future relevance of the Monarchy can be saved for another day.

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    Mike says:

    If you don’t care why write a long winded rant about it? Mr Pot meet Mrs Kettle.

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    Kelly says:

    We don’t care about the monarchy, we care that others care about it — especially the phonies who pretend to care about the monarchy and then go about using it to manipulate the political and social agenda in this country. Canada isn’t British (anymore) thanks to Mr. Trudeau’s leadership (pirouettes anyone?). We’re the first post modern country. A country of people who’s common bond is the fact that we come from everywhere and DON’T have a common ethnic nationalism — the fuel that has led to more killing in the last 100 years than all the religions of the world put together — and that’s saying something.

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      Ronald O'Dowd says:


      Bingo. Nothing is more potentially explosive on God’s Green Earth than the forces of nationalism left to their own devices…legitimate pride in one’s country, province or territory is one thing. Nationalism fostering an us vs. them mentality is quite another.

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      Elizabeth says:

      Do you have an alternative? Did you want to swear an oath of allegiance to Harper? Think about it. I’m quite happy to have the Crown for our legal framework, and something that a corrupt, tyranny-bound, TeaParty/Flanagan trained, authoritarian Prime-Minister-Who-Would-Be-President can’t really get around.

      People who swear they want to get rid of the monarchy don’t understand how the Crown works in Canada, and do not have an alternative. Harper is doing his best to gut Canada and turn us into a Republic of Oily America, and we need to keep the Monarchy, baby or no baby.

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    Graham says:

    ‘If you do care about the Royal Baby, don’t bother telling the rest of us you do care. Because we couldn’t care less you do care.”

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    John Prince says:

    I don’t care for the monarchy but I do care msm is ramming it down my throat to the point I feel like gagging. 🙁

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    patrick says:

    If you’d stop commenting on the royal birth I’d stop commenting on it. Deal?

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    wendy says:

    Loved your writing piece. That’s how I feel about things people ” don’t care ” and yet feel the need to talk about how they care or don’t care. Made me laugh and I agree. With so much bad stuff going on in the wold, with news feeling like there is always something bad going on….it’s nice to read about a baby being born. It wouldn’t kill you to read happy things, unless all you want to read is sad stories.

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    davidray says:

    I think Warren is caught between “Off with their heads” and “Let em eat cake” or some such. I don’t tweet or book my face but I do read books and a dozen monitored blogs/sites like this one because those commenting are adding great stuff to public discourse and I learn a great deal reading between the lines. I hope they never quit even when Warren tells them to fuck off which he is wont to do. Anything else I need I get from the Daily Show.

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    deb s says:

    I dont like it hijacking my news, the same way the popedom stuff did. but other than that…they seem like a cute couple, babys name could have been better. Joffrey has a nice ring to it;)

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    Mark says:

    Just remember, Warren, you can call us grumpy, or even “crazed,” but we still have a not-so-secret weapon: his name is Prince Chuckles. You can fawn all you want over Boy George, but you’d better hope that Old Betty lives a good long time; she’ll be the last, if not for England, then certainly for Canada.

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    e.a.f. says:

    loved the article, very funny at times and oh so true.

    If people don’t like it, they don’t have to pay attention. any number of famous people have babies adn there are always people who are interested. In many cases it simply gives people something to think about beyond what is the regular news. The more famous the parents, the more “famous” the baby.

    Other royal families have had babies and within their community its big news. Its just that the British royal family, as part of England, have controlled more of the world, hence there is still some interest in what the British royal family does.

    The Japanese have a royal family. A number of years ago it had a baby and that was historic because its a girl. Now there will be something that royal family and country has to deal with.

    All babies are cute. They all are a fresh start. They are all to be loved and cared for. To their families they are “royal”. Well until the 3 a.m. feeding and diaper change.

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    Philippe says:

    All sorts of Monarchy coverage invades daily newspapers, our TVs & we have to listen to all sorts of folks oo’ing and aww’ing about some baby born on the other side of the ocean which, frankly, we don’t give 2 shits about. I mean, great, but 1000s of cute babies are born everyday closer to home. The coverage is in our face and can’t be avoided- that’s why we’re allowed to pipe up, because it’s throw in our faces. There are so many better “feel-good” stories about true Heros out there.

    If Monarchists kept their fanaticism under control- hey, no problem. Some of us believe that our leaders are right here, in Canada and if Monarchists stop acting like Bieber spotting 10 year olds, we’ll stop acting like negative nellies.

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    Sonya says:

    One of these days, baby George will ascend to the British Throne — H.R.H. George VII and the King of Canada (with or without Quebec).

    I suspect most here will be 6 feet (or further) under in nonexistent bliss by then — so start your hatemongering now to twist the youth of today to carry on your hatreds and fears.

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      Kaspar Juul says:

      Your posts seems to be driven more by hate inferring than some of the people you criticize.

      Thankfully you are not my problem

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    Elizabeth says:

    Comments on this site are interesting:


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    Justin says:

    There’s no such thing as a “royal” baby.

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