, 10.26.2021 02:10 PM

My latest: holy moly, it’s Joly

Dear World:

Justin Trudeau here. Remember me?

You were in love with me once. You put me on the cover of Rolling Stone. The Washington Post once called me “the anti-Trump.” The Christian Science Monitor wondered if I was “Canada’s JFK.” USA Today wrote that I had “charm, good looks, and progressive policies on feminism and diversity.”

Well, that was then and this is now, I guess.

I won’t bother to repeat some of the things you say about me now, World. They’re not very nice.

I mean, sure, my feminism took a bit of hit when, um, it was alleged that I groped a female reporter. But I repeat what I told her: I wouldn’t have done so if she had told me she was a writer for a national newspaper!

And, OK, Donald Trump and I both arguably obstructed justice — him for cronies, and me for a Liberal party donor being prosecuted for corruption. Sure. But he was impeached, and I wasn’t!

And, yes, my diversity credentials aren’t what they used to be. Lying about where I was on the day I set aside for Indigenous Truth and Reconciliation — and instead jetting off to a surfer’s beach in Tofino, and lounging at an $18-million mansion — wasn’t so progressive, I suppose. But I expressed “regret”! Isn’t that enough, World?

Anyway, World, we are BFFs no more. We aren’t besties like we used to be. I acknowledge that, and know who is to blame.

You, World. You are to blame. I’m the same guy — same chiselled jaw, same flowing locks. It’s you who has changed, World.

And I am serving my revenge, um, hot, World. My revenge is Melanie Joly.

You don’t know much about Melanie, now, but I guarantee you will, soon enough. She’s going to leave an impression on you, and you’re not going to like it.

Here’s a sampling of Melanie Joly’s gravest hits, World. Not one of these is made up.

Canada’s 150th birthday celebrations. Countries only turn 150 once — but Melanie, as minister responsible, turned ours into an unmitigated fiasco. Indigenous youth protested it, and citizens hated it, and even wrote to me about it. A sampling: “I have never seen such a poor, chaotic display. Shame on you Ottawa.” And: “Please, (Minister Joly), I beg you to step out of your protective shell and acknowledge what a mess Canada Day was and take some responsibility for it.” And: “Time for you to resign!” Ouch.

The Netflix fiasco. Melanie gifted the streaming giant tax-free status for a piddling amount of investment in Canada’s cultural sector — including in her home province, Quebec. The media weren’t impressed. The Globe and Mail said Melanie’s “fall from grace has been swift and merciless, sped by her maladroit attempts to sell a deal with Netflix.” The National Post noted that she had been “savaged in Quebec media, artistic and political circles.” And her hometown paper, the Journal de Montreal, said she sounds “like a living answering machine having a nervous breakdown.” Double ouch.

Ottawa Holocaust Monument.Melanie commissioned one, but she forgot something. The Washington Post noticed: “(Joly) forgot to mention Jews on the new Holocaust monument dedication plaque.” Oops.

Parliament Hill hockey rink. Melanie had a rink built on Parliament Hill, which was nice. Not nice: The rink (a) prohibited the playing of hockey; (b) was going to be in existence for less than a month; and (c) was a block from the biggest skating rink in the world, the Rideau Canal. Oh, and this, from the Toronto Star: “The rink is budgeted to cost about $215,385 per day that it’s open.” That worked out to about $300 per skater. Ouch, ouch, ouch!

Anyway, you get the picture, World. If you’re not nice to me anymore, I’m not going to be nice to you. So, I give you Melanie Joly, the worst cabinet minister in the history of Canada.

Take that, World.

Sincerely,

Justin

29 Comments

  1. Warren,

    HimselfTM can’t possibly ditch or demote her. She’s the perfect representation of his own abilities and his intellectual capacity. Need I say more?

    • JH says:

      Peter Trent was none too impressed; https://montrealgazette.com/opinion/opinion-marc-garneau-the-anti-politician-deserves-better
      but like the rest of the ‘Angryphones’ in this effing province he’ll keep voting Liberal, even though the party knifes them in the back every election, as they pander for nationalist/separatist votes!
      As for Garneau, just as in the case of Lametti also, I was a big fan , though not a Liberal. That changed with the Jody and Jane fiasco in the Lavalin scandal. Both those guys had the ability to speak up, but not the balls.

      • Ronald O'Dowd says:

        JH,

        Well, something happened of significance to put Garneau on the major outs with HimselfTM. Some say it’s repeated pushbacks against ever compliant Katie. Others say it’s something else. Time will tell the story, you can be sure of that.

        • Ronald O'Dowd says:

          Oh. According to L. Ian MacDonald:

          “Definitely a valedictory note. Trudeau is reportedly prepared to name him ambassador to France, succeeding Isabelle Hudon, whom he recently appointed president of the Montreal-based Business Development Bank of Canada.

          That would open up one of the safest Liberal seats in creation for the likes of Anna Gainey, a close Trudeau friend and former Liberal Party president, who is married to Tom Pitfield, another longtime friend of Trudeau.”

          • Ronald O'Dowd says:

            First Ralph. Now Marc. At least those HCs and ambassadors are way more honorable than the guy who put them there.

          • JH says:

            Well known amongst the Trudeau family’s Montreal Mafia types, their biz lapdogs etc. that Trudeau looking for chance to reward the Pitfield’s for their sleazy work at the Canada 2020 Lib PAC and the other crap they got up to in aid of ‘His Fluffiness’.
            Always thought Bob Gainey was a straight shooter. Guess the apple fell a long way from that tree, once it got involved with Trudeau’s sleazebag pals.

          • Ronald O'Dowd says:

            JH,

            No one keeps it better and more consistently in the family than our illustrious Liberals: the old man Pitfield, clerk and then senator during the other old man’s run.

            And now apparently, a new gravy train is on the way. Birds of a feather as the late “I had no option” could attest.

  2. Pablo…back at Canadian Heritage. Interesting. At least the parties are good. LOL. How am I going to categorize this move? Hum. Ah, a lateral move. That’s it.

    (Still better than out on your ass.)

  3. Warren says:

    I am into little kids. My IP is 208.113.185.93. Try and find me.

  4. Pedant says:

    For young Canadians, Hussen back at Housing (and “Diversity and Inclusion”) is even worse. It means a big nothingburger on housing policy. The bubble will continue, further enriching the already-rich Boomers and property speculators while financially ruining young people with the nerve to attempt to purchase a modest home.

    And it looks like Rodriguez will finish Guilbealt’s objective of passing the CCP-inspired compelled-speech bill C10.

  5. Peter Williams says:

    It really doesn’t matter which Minister gets what job. Trudeau has created a government of the PMO, by the PMO, and for the PMO.

  6. Sean says:

    That ceremony was like a mass suicide ritual organized by a cult.

    Rideau hall has never smelled so bad. They will have to fumigate the entire building.

    I can’t wait to see what company throws money at Margaret Trudeau next.

    • Montrealaise says:

      One would have thought that after the WE scandal, members of Trudeau’s family would know better than to accept paid speaking engagements from bodies which accept government funding.

      And one would be wrong.

      • Phil in London says:

        Why on earth would you think that? The fallout from We to the family 0 our of 10.
        The shock would be that it isn’t a more blatant dining at the trough

      • Ronald O'Dowd says:

        Montréalaise,

        But one would in no way be surprised now would one? These people think they are above everyone else and that the dictates of the rule of law, ethics and integrity are but amusing and in their case, passing fashions.

        Most people related to the PPs and the PPs share that kind of mentality, interestingly enough. Stay tuned!

  7. Peter Williams says:

    Re the appointment of Hajdu as Minister of Indigenous Services: is this Trudeau’s attempt to get back at First Nations for their recent critiques of Trudeau’s vacation?

    With Hajdu in charge will they ever get clean fresh drinking water?

  8. PJH says:

    Who said you had to be competent to serve in Jr’s cabinet? He just gave one of his few competent Minsters, Marc Garneau, the heave. I suspect as long as you a willing to kiss Jr’s behind, you are eligible for a seat at the big table….

  9. Steve Teller says:

    This is what happens when your primary criteria is filling quotas, rather than appointing based on merit.

    • Steve,

      Sure, they are filling quotas but have you ever noticed that practically every living, breathing political hack or semi-competent is suddenly transformed into a person with great merit as soon as any of our political parties come to power and start spreading the gravy train? Plus ça change, etc. In my case, I got prodded by the regional organizer to apply thrice and was turned down each time. Seemingly, they’d didn’t much like what I was up to with Jamieson. Rather thin-skinned of them. LOL.

    • Sean says:

      I wouldn’t even dignify it by suggesting its based on quotas… It’s based on marketing and that’s it.

  10. Joseph says:

    One phrase came to mind.

    What could possibly go wrong?

  11. Ron Benn says:

    The menu of available ministers is limited by who was elected, which was a subset of the people who were willing to run under the Liberal banner. In short, slim pickings.

  12. Douglas W says:

    Zero respect for Sophie.

  13. Peter Williams says:

    Carolyn Bennett is excited to be the first minister of Mental Health and Addictions…

    https://mobile.twitter.com/Carolyn_Bennett/status/1453092331708628992

    Now she’ll be assembling a staff. Presumably Maggie Trudeau will get a prominent high paying consulting position?

  14. Gilbert says:

    Melanie Joly shouldn’t be a cabinet minister.

    • Sean says:

      …shouldn’t be an MP. …shouldn’t be a candidate. shouldn’t be allowed to manage a children’s lemonade stand…. shouldn’t be allowed to run for office ever again after the Justin mess is finally put out of its misery.

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