Nearly twenty years ago, when I started this here web site, I would have folks coming up to me on the street or at events or whatever and saying: “I follow you on your blog.”
“It’s not a blog, for Chrissakes,” I’d say.
“Don’t blog about me,” they’d say.
“You’re not interesting enough,” I’d say.
Later, when Facebook came along and commenced giddily stealing peoples’ personal information to share with the Russians, people would come up to me and say: “I follow you on Facebook.”
I’d say: “You shouldn’t do that. I lie a lot.”
Or they’d say: “Will you friend me?”
And I’d say: “I don’t need any new friends.”
Anyway. In the shiny new Internet era, I now get people coming up to me and saying: “I follow you on Twitter. You’re funny.”
Me: “I’m not funny, I’m pissed off. Get off my lawn.”
Or they say: “Hey, can you retweet my tweet that my church, the Half Way Baptist Cavalry Redemption Mission, is having a vegan bake sale?”
And I say: “Sure, whatever. Get away from me while I’m listening to the new Pennywise album.”
Anyway. As in any election period, things get a bit batty. So I thought I’d give you HTML renderings of my last few notable tweets. It’s been interesting. It also strongly suggests I need professional help.
- Saw a guy at Starbucks wearing a skirt. He was wearing it well. We’re not in Bancroft anymore, Dorothy.
- Goofy haircuts notwithstanding, A Flock of Seagulls had some fucking amazing tunes.
- What was most striking about today’s Ontario political panel on CBC’s Metro Morning is that there was no Ontario Liberal representative – just the PCs and NDP. Another legacy of the 2018 Wynne/Wizard Campaign: the OLP is already being erased from history.
- Voters don’t believe late-campaign scandal stuff. Jack Layton affidavit, etc. Doesn’t work.
- I’d like to be a Soros puppet if it allows me to retire early.
- Media polls are worth what one pays for them.
- Talking about ending the York U. strike now is the most the cynical thing Wynne et al. have done since the last cynical thing they did.
- Colon schmolon.
- I love how everyone on the HGTV shows Lisa Kinsella watches all have stickers on the Apple logo of their Apple laptops so we are fooled into thinking they aren’t Apple laptops even though they totally are.
- I plan to retire to a beach in Jamaica where I will play reggae and live in a shack and eat lots of jerk chicken.
- The universal truth contained in the ‘Mats’ ‘If Only You Were Lonely’: “Somewhere, there’s somebody throwing up.” That’s songwriting, man.
- If Kathleen Wynne really wanted to help Ontario Liberal candidates, she would have resigned the leadership a year ago – she knows she was as unpopular then as she is now. Yesterday’s stunt wasn’t selfless, it was reckless. Worst campaign ever.