Scotland, heed the wise words of the guy who bites the heads off chickens.
You know, Alice Cooper. According to urban legend, the rock star once bit the head off of a chicken. Reportedly, Alice then went on to play golf with former Republican presidents. It’s true! (The golf part, not the chicken part.)
Quoth Alice: “To me, that’s treason. [Stars] should never be in bed with politics.”
And: “If you’re listening to a…star in order to get information on who to vote for, you’re a bigger moron than they are.”
Alice’s sage advice comes to mind, this morn, as we reflect on the implications of Scottish independence. A vote is being taken on it at this very moment.
To referendum-weary Canadians, the arguments against are all too familiar. Shared history. Economic uncertainty. Constitutional gridlock. Blah, blah, blah. Canadians have heard it all before.
What makes the Scottish “yes” campaign truly unique, however, is the abundance of world-famous celebrities, stumping for independence. We Canadians don’t see that, so much.
There’s the Proclaimers, for example. Remember them? They had a single hit, several generations ago, and have lately become experts in the allocation of natural resource revenue. “Scotland has huge national resources, with its people, its wave power.” say the lads, who closely resemble former Liberal leader Stephane Dion, except with guitars. Are they right?
Scotland certainly has waves, but we’re not quite sure how “people” are properly classified as “resources.” If we harness the energy caused by tossing cabers and eating haggis, perhaps. Worth thinking about, over several cases of Glenfiddich.
Now, another star who has lifted the kilt on his politics, as it were, includes Sean Connery. Sean, as 007, got to make out once with Ursula Andress. That, alone, should give Sean a seat at the big kid’s table when and if Scotland goes it alone. And Sean says an independent Scotland will “revitalize culture and heritage.”
Is it true? Well, the last time Sean worked was to provide the lead voice in an obscure animated film called “Sir Billi.” Ever heard of it? Us, neither. Perhaps the thing that will be “revitalized” is Sean’s career. It needs it.
Annie Lennox has also weighed in. Rock star Annie, who usually energetically devotes herself to anti-Israel causes – she says that Israel engages in “slaughter and systematic murder” – is a Scottish separatist. Says Annie: “Scotland could have a new, ethical, visionary stance and could take on fresh ideas. That could be really amazing.”
We’re not quite sure what Annie is referring to, here, but if her gentle and nuanced approach to international affairs is any indication, she should not be considered for the post of Foreign Minister in the new Scottish state. She might, you know, start a war or two.
Actor Brian Cox has hit the hustings for the “yes” side, as well. Brian, who has played a villain in series of movies about a comic book, has also had “a prominent role” in important video games, such as “Killzone,” “Killzone 2,” and (who can forget?) “Killzone 3.”
Says Brian about Scottish independence: “It’s about equality [and] trying to get back to egalitarian principles.” What, exactly? Brian says the Scots have “a sense of inferiority,” but if you ever saw Sean Connery making out with Ursula Andress – or someone in a skirt tossing a caber and swilling Glenfiddich – you’d probably have doubts about that. We doubt the Scots feel “inferior” about pretty much anything.
About ripping apart a great country, the Scots should (hopefully) have doubts, too.
Take it from us Canucks, Scotland: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Also, go ask Alice: movie and music stars should stick to movies and music.
Not, you know, politics.