…but I have just received amazing, awesome legal news. It warms my tiny black heart.
However, I am not permitted to tell you about it for a period of one month. Sorry.
And, no, it is not the big news I promised some time ago. Got 57 great suggestions about what I will be doing, however. Here are some of the best ones:
- Playing in Sochi for men’s hockey team
- Playing in Sochi for women’s hockey team
- Thought you were going for the Fed Lib nomination for Toronto Centre….so that’s now out……hmmm…..another Lib nomination nearby, perhaps…..
- You will run in Trin-Spadina
- Work is finally complete on that long-awaited Paul Anka/SFH duets album?
- Two words: sex change! No, wait: jail time! No, wait: NDP membership!
- Leaving SFH to join a John Tesh Tribute band?
- Running Trudeau’s war room. Pre, during and post election.
- Ford’s campaign manager in his run for mayor.
- Newest member of One Direction?
- I had also thought that maybe he’d been conscripted into the band Porno For Pyros, or maybe he was going to start a new one: The Geyzer-Geezers.
- Putting the old band back together for a reunion show a la Hard Core Logo?
- You’re going to be the next feral [sic] Green Party leader?
- Hosting your own daily or weekly current affairs talk show on Sun News Network possibly including a regular weekly panel of pundits called “NOT Ford Nation”.
- You’re pregnant?
- Switching to boxers?
- You’re going to run for the Liberal Nomination in Beaches-East York. (I’m a devout Atheist, but I’m praying for that one.)
- You’re replacing Tai Wilkenfeld as Jeff Beck’s bass player you dastardly mustache twirling top hat wearing rip off their face burned out rocker guy
- You are going to join Joe Fontana’s defense team.
- You’re running Khan Noonian Singh’s War Room.
- You are getting a REAL JOB?????
- Gotta be The Senate.
- You are going to prepare for the next phase of your life by cultivating your inner self, your spiritual side, withdraw from the hurley burley, spend more time in contemplation and meditation, wear a loose robe, surrender your worldly goods and desires, become more like Dostoevki’s Father Zosima in ‘Brothers Karamazov.
- The War Room is going to be made into a film and Keith Richards has agreed to play the role of Mike Duffy with Iggy Pop as Prime Minister?
- You’re finally going to admit that all this climate change BS is just a hoax.
- Sexual reassignment surgery.
- Running for elected office as a PC/Conservative…what a big change that would be!
- You’re going to start making Kraft Dinner with milk…..for the win!
- Trading the shitty P-bass for an Ernie Ball Stingray.
- Moving to Halifax…or at least opening a branch office of Daisy there. If I’m right, do I win a SFH Tee (XL please).
- You are moving to DC to participate in Billarry’s Pres. election campaign
- Moving to Mercury. Waiting for Green Card.
I can say that two of you actually guessed the big news. Also: gender reassignment seems to be something some of you really wish I would consider. And: moving far away.
There’s a message there for me, somewhere.