01.05.2011 10:05 AM

The End Times Cometh

Being Irish Catholic, and therefore more superstitious than a Red Sox fan, I don’t find the following events disconcerting. They’re comforting, because they prove that I was right all along – the End Times are indeed near, and you all should’ve listened to me while you had the chance.

Oh, and my eldest son is firmly convinced the world is going to end in 2012. He’s a chip off the old block.

Mysterious? Perhaps.  Or,  solid proof that I was right: happiness is a trick, and life is the arrangement of merciless logic for futile purpose.

We’re all doomed. You’re welcome.


  1. james Smith says:

    As a Dogan I know of the power of Black & Dead Birds, but I have to add in the winter-early spring of 1964 or 65 our stretch of Mimico Creek, (south of Eglinton) turned the same colour for a couple of days. I’m sure some clever Pug could find some math to get that date from the past to result in 2012.

  2. eattv says:

    So if happiness is a trick, why not go with it? Where do you want to be when The End Is Nigh?

    Personally, I want anywhere but Disneyland.

  3. Lance says:

    The End Times Cometh

    Yes, Armegeddon is indeed nigh. But not, by gar, before we settle the hash and have an election!

  4. Warren says:

    I’m with you. Let’s go on a road trip. Anything’s better than the Mouse House.

  5. Namesake says:

    Well, this certainly explains the Cons’ “Don’t worry, be
    happy” approach to CPP reform. But it makes their “Stay the course”
    mantra resurrected from the Reagan era pretty chilling.

  6. Ted says:

    Was listening to AM640 Talk Radio late last night when they
    turn over the mic to the tin foil hatters and all they could talk
    about were these damn birds. They were virtually unanimous that
    this was a weapons test by hidden aliens lurking in orbit above

  7. Michael Reintjes says:

    Oh Warren you’re such a Drama quenn sometimes…..You have nothing to worry about, Just ask this poor soul…

  8. billg says:

    I wanna be in a New Orleans Jazz club drinking 20 bucks a shot bourbon watching the Sens beat out the Leafs in game 7 of the Eastern Finals….or the Habs.

    • Billg: If you want to see any of those 3 teams (Sens, Leafs, Habs) in the Eastern Final you’ll have to spike your bourbon with a lot of hi-grade mescaline. In non-pharmacologically-induced reality, those 3 teams just ain’t gonna get there. But good luck….and try tonight’s WJHC gold medal game. You won’t need any drugs. And the world won’t end, even if Russia wins.

  9. sj says:

    And I thought I had taken turning 50 badly. buck up.

  10. J. Coates says:

    Dang! I thought I have things rough. A collection agent is trying to get me to cough up for a student loan I paid off 12 years ago. A magpie is always pecking at my apartment window. I made the foolish mistake of putting out left over french fries this summer. Like most scavengers they know a good deal and come back for more. I think there might be political wisdom analogy wise here.

  11. Option A

    Is this a result of playing too much ice hockey without a helmet?

    Option B

    Wasn’t that a Party? (Original Tom Paxton but covered by Irish Rovers in 81 was most successful)

    Could-a been the whisky, might-a been the gin.
    Could-a been the three or four six packs, I don’t know,
    But won’t you look at the mess I’m in?
    A head like a football, I think I’m going to die.
    But tell me, a-me oh, me oh my,
    Wasn’t that a Party?

    You forgot to include Rob Ford winning in Toronto against the best and brightest in the Liberal-NDP camp.

  12. Andrew says:

    You are actually merging two quotes, very sneaky…

    John Conrad: “Happiness is a trick, and life is the arrangement of merciless logic for futile purpose.”

    Charles Dickens: “Happiness is a gift and the trick is not to expect it, but to delight in it when it comes.”

  13. Cath says:

    Are they checking those dang birds for puffin poop? (sorry couldn’t resist).

    I’m embarrassed to say that I have a bird phobia. Dead or alive this would be my worst nightmare.
    Two summers ago a crow dropped dead into our pool from an overhanging tree. My eldest was home for the summer thank god because it being West Nile season the MNR wants the birds bagged and kept in the freezer until they send someone to get it(them).

  14. Mr. Chamberlain says:

    It all happened a couple of months ago. It was kinda cool. I think most of us missed it.

  15. allegra fortissima says:

    Desperate suburban housewives are designed for many things. Removing puffin bird poop from pool tiles with a scouring pad is one of them.

  16. student501 says:

    So many have made this prediction in the past and failed.

    Here’s the short list of them: http://www.alamongordo.com/the_list_of_FALSE_PROPHETS.html

    Fact is most theologians state that no one knows, or will know and quote this biblical passage in support of their position:

    1 Thessalonians 5:1-6

    Now concerning the times and the seasons, brothers and sisters, you do not need to have anything written to you.

    For you yourselves know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.

    When they say, “There is peace and security,” then sudden destruction will come upon them, as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and there will be no escape!

    But you, beloved, are not in darkness, for that day to surprise you like a thief;

    for you are all children of light and children of the day; we are not of the night or of darkness.

    So then let us not fall asleep as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober;

  17. J. Coates says:

    The rubby dub who panhandles by the mens shelter in Calgary has been telling me the same thing for a few years now.

  18. Robert K. says:


  19. J. Coates says:

    The more crows and magpies that drop dead the world is a better place. This summer I sat on my balcony watching a magpie tease a yappy little dog on another balcony. I’m sure it was doing it out of maliciousness.There might be another political analogy here.

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