02.10.2017 09:31 AM

Advance look at next week’s Trudeau Trump summit

[From next week’s column. The scene: the Oval Office. Justin Trudeau and Donald Trump have just completed their photo-op in the Rose Garden. Gerald Butts and Steve Bannon are present to take notes.]

Trump [Dismissive]: So the Brits cancelled my state visit over there. Would’ve been huge. Huge. When is Canada inviting me to speak to your House of Representatives, up there?

Trudeau [Long, long pause. Trudeau and Butts start eyeing the exits]: Mr. President, with the greatest of respect, Canadians were quite fond of your predecessor, and before there is a visit, we think they need more time to get to know you…

Trump [Unimpressed]: How long?

Trudeau [Looking like he’d rather be somewhere else, balancing babies or boxing, or taking a selfie with someone – anyone. His shoulders drop. He gives up.] Sir, you should not come to Canada. We think it is a bad idea. We think all 35 million Canadians will come out to protest. Even the babies. In winter.

Trump [Unfazed]: Thirty-five million? That’s how many we had at my inauguration, didn’t we, Steve?

Bannon: Yes, sir! Absolutely, sir. [Bannon examines his limited edition Ku Klux Klan watch.] Sir, it’s bedtime. Shall I ask Kellyanne to tuck you in again, sir?


  1. Darren H says:

    You forgot the 50 uhhs. I can’t help but think Mr Harper would have already had a similar conversation with Mr Trump as the Australian PM. Genuinely smart men do not suffer stupidity well.

  2. Peter says:

    But if we don’t invite him and flood the streets in protest under the eyes of the international media, how are we going to do our duty as Canadians by assuming the mantle of leader of the global resistance and give hope and encouragement to a distraught and frightened world?

  3. Pipes says:

    The Donald: ” Ah Prime Minister Trudeau, welcome, welcome to the White House. Steve can you pull up a chair for the Prime Minister please”.

    Bannon: ” Yes Sir, of course, its my pleasure….Here you go. May I left you into the high chair Mr. Prime Minister?”

  4. Eric Weiss says:

    Let him visit. There’s business to be done. If Trump wants to address Parliament I will fly from Alberta to join whatever protests I can find. Fuck him.

  5. Kevin says:

    I think the PM is getting some bad advice. There seems to be a lot of testing of the water lately. IHMO all he has to do is stand tall and say his piece. Not embarrass himself or Canada. Why bother to play Trump’s games? He won’t win, and he’ll find out that if you argue with a five year old you end up looking like a five year old (h/t to Erma Bombeck). If it’s optics he’s worried about, being true to himself and us will earn him a lot more good will here and around the world.

    Saw a clip on the news yesterday, Trudeau at a town hall talking about the electoral reform issue. He was saying how it was his decision, and he decided, and he, and being the responsible PM he is chose to abandon the issue, and he, and he and he. I thought “..the hell is going on here?”. It was like he was trying to practice macho before going to Washington. Don’t do that, Mr. PM. It won’t work and you’ll look as ridiculous as Trump. Just stand tall and say your piece.

    • Peter says:

      It might help move this debate forward if you told us what you think “his piece” that he should say while standing tall should be. It takes a certain kind of very dreamy and smug Canadian to think that all a Canadian PM has to do is “be true to himself” and good will from around the world will flow our way.

      • Kevin says:

        Certainly. Google “Canada Government” and any issue having an international or human rights aspect, and you will find a link to Canada’s policy in that area. I’m sure you know someone who can show you how to do that.

    • Dan Calda says:

      He, he, he…

      I believe he was trying to take the heat off his mp’s.

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