11.20.2010 03:08 PM

New SFH tune: Maple Leaf Dorks

The news that the Raptors have decided to trade Jarrett Jack has sent me off the deep end. Officially. I cannot believe the stupidity of Raptor managment – or their ownership.

I’m a season ticket-holder, and I’ve had it.

As such, I have written (while at my sons’ back-to-back hockey games, fittingly) the following three-chord ranter, which will clock in at about a minute. It’ll be on the next SFH record, if we can fit it in. In Toronto and environs, I predict it’ll be a huge hit.

Sing along – I know you want to.


I hate Maple Leaf Sports
The place is run by dorks
They make lotsa dough
But all three teams, they blow

Raptors – stink!
TFC – stinkier!
Leafs – stinkiest!

Maple Leaf Sports think its funny
To steal all of your hard-earned money
They won’t think it’s so great
When we burn them at the stake

CHORUS (fade)


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    Michael Reintjes says:

    Beautiful…here’s another verse from the London crew….
    Only care about the bottom line
    Their fans are running out of time
    Sell 3rd rate teams at a first rate cost
    Count me among the Mark’s you’ve lost….

    repeat chorus..

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    Rome says:

    What?!? Warren, have you gone mad? This deal is fantastic. What makes you so in love with Jarret Jack? The dude’s a chukka! Sure, he can score decently, and can drop a nifty no-look pass. But, is also a turn-over machine, doesn’t know when to slow things down, forces too many shots, and needs to work on his defence. He’s just not a starter in the NBA.

    Stojakovic is an expiring contract who will give them huge cap space next year. Cap space and a nice draft pick? That puts the Raptors in good shape for next year.

    I predict that Jerryd Bayless will change your mind! He’s lightning quick. And, when him and DeRozan and Weems are all running the fast break at the same time? Well, keep your eyes open. It’ll be so fast, you might just miss it.

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    Squiggy says:

    Most intelligent rant I have read in a long time

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    MississaugaPeter says:

    Some things never change.

    I remember thinking the same things in the late 70s and 80s while growing up in Calgary. Toronto teams almost always suck. At least the Argos are going to the East Finals to get blown away.

    But don’t blame Maple Leaf Sports. The bad Toronto sports teams were here even before they took over. It’s karma dude. The centre of the known universe just does not allow good sports teams to thrive.

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    Derek Pearce says:

    What I don’t get is, what’s with the fans? Toronto sports fans should find a way to go on fan-strike. Quit giving MLSE your money folks, it’s rewarding mediocrity.

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    Derek Pearce says:

    Oh, awesome lyrics too btw.

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    Steve Gallagher says:

    I lived in Toronto for seven years, late seventies early eighties. Used to go back to visit my
    ex in-laws and recall the Blue Jays winning back to back World Series. Never going to happen again. Know why?

    I now live in Vancouver. I am wearing my Montreal Canadiens shirt. I grew up in Montreal. Watching a heckuva hockey game right now between the Habs and the Leafs.

    Toronto struggles in team sports because the city, at its’ core, has no soul. Even stoned out Vancouver show more spirit, unless fed something as totally unappetizing as the Grizzlies were.

    So, who are these Maple Leaf Sports of whom you speak? There is a ghost in the old Gardens and someday the sucker will be freed. Until then, Harold Ballard’s spectre haunts the town.

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    IC says:

    Having stood up and sworn total allegiance to Betty Britain and Phil the Greek earlier this year – despite being a Brit from over there – I am now looking forward to seeing the Leafs giving another bunch of skaters a good pucking for the first time in ages. Man Utd vs. Chelsea seem pretty tame…with the difference both that lot win something, occasionally.

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    Russ says:


    Love the song because its the truth. Is it okay if you added another verse about the owners not caring about winning at all? At least Steinbrenner did!

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