01.31.2011 08:04 PM

Dear God

Dear God:

So, there I was, heading to work out at the little gym in my condo building, and one of the concierge people – the nice one, the only one I like – approached me.  He told me there had been a “complaint” about me.

I listened.

I don’t want to give away the ending, Almighty Person, but this is one of those times that I am pleading with You (begging, actually) that the complaint goes ahead.  Please, God. Please.

I don’t know if it will.  The fact that I burst out laughing, and insisted that the Nice Concierge take all of my contact information so that the complainants may more readily find me, may have suggested to him that further official action is inadvisable at this time.  You already know what will happen, natch, but you aren’t talking.

Being my Creator, you also know that I live for moments like this. You made me, after all: you know that I regard peacetime as indescribably dull.  As one of my lawyer friends (whose identity you know) explained to another lawyer friend (ditto) one night:  “Warren doesn’t sue because his feelings are hurt.  He doesn’t have feelings.  He sues because he enjoys it. It’s his entertainment.”*

But I digress, Lord.  This is all I am asking for, Yahweh.  Please give me this, just this, and I’ll be super-good, and for the foreseeable future, too.  Or next month, whichever comes first.

Yours faithfully,


* Okay, fine, it was BFF Brian Shiller talking to BFF David Shiller.  Way to wreck part of the story. W/e.


  1. John says:

    If there was a God, you’d tell us what the complaint was.

  2. Namesake says:

    Speaking of lawsuits, hopefully this ugly article maligning your former boss as “soft on dictators” will lead to one &/or result in a handsome settlement.


  3. jStanton says:

    [gentle ribbing] heh heh… it amuses me to no end that P.R/”Government Relations” flacks ‘n hacks like you and Schiller (and I mean that in the fondest way), take refuge in being “lawyers”. It’s true… in contemporary culture, lawyers are held in higher esteem than lobbyists!! [/gentle ribbing]

  4. Ann Jun says:

    Huzzah, some entertainment! This month looks to be better than last month!

  5. Reality.Bites says:

    I think gym is the key word here.

    Clearly Warren didn’t wipe the seat after his set.

    For shame.

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