02.25.2013 10:49 PM

In Tuesday’s Sun: I’d like to see Trudeau beat Kenney into the canvas, personally

Can anyone figure out why Jason Kenney is so obsessed with Justin Trudeau?

It can’t be that Kenney isn’t busy. After all, he’s supposedly a super-duper powerful cabinet minister, and he should theoretically be quite preoccupied with running Canada and whatnot.

But there the immigration minister was again last week, taking time away from his duties to excoriate the Montreal Liberal MP, who he clearly detests.

This time, Kenney attacked Trudeau giving paid speeches outside the House of Commons. “I think it’s really strange,” said Kenney, who would know. “He has apparently missed a number of votes in the House.”

Gadzooks! Missed votes?

Shocking as it may sound, so have members of Kenney’s Conservative caucus. In fact, the top 10 MPs with the worst attendance records in the House of Commons last year were New Democrats and Conservatives. Not a single Liberal MP is on the list, however. Funny, that.

But Kenney wasn’t finished with his arch-nemesis, who is arguably richer, smarter and better looking than he is.

“Mr. Trudeau,” Kenney said, “is not in touch with the values or the real issues that face ordinary Canadians. I don’t really know what his background is. I don’t think he’s ever run anything.”

This was an odd remark for the Calgary Conservative to make, too. Before he became a Member of Parliament , Kenney was the mouthpiece for a far-right tax lobby, and as far as we know he wasn’t ever called upon to meet a payroll. He hasn’t ever run a company.

Moreover, Kenney’s “values” — he raised values, not us — were always a bit, well, weird. When he arrived on the Hill, for instance, he bragged about being a 40-year-old virgin, and said he was saving himself for marriage. He still isn’t married and, as far as anyone knows, is still a virgin.

Justin Trudeau, meanwhile, has a drop-dead gorgeous wife, and two kids straight out of central casting. He has the looks of a Kennedy-esque matinee idol, while Kenney recalls a younger, swarthier version of Richard Nixon.

Anticipating the day he and Trudeau lead their respective parties, perhaps the values stuff makes Kenney nervous. Perhaps it should.

But the thing that really, really bugs Jason Kenney about Justin Trudeau clearly is this: People are prepared to pay the Liberal lots of money to hear him speak. Jason, not so much.

Where Justin can command tens of thousands of dollars for a single speech, Jason has never been so lucky. To get better known, then, Jason has been obliged to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars — taxpayer dollars — to promote himself. Thus, we learned last year, Kenney authorized the expenditure of $750,000 to track what was being said about him in the so-called ethnic media. (Wonder what his taxpayer lobby group would say about that? You should.)

Asking if Jason Kenney fears Justin Trudeau is rhetorical. He does; he should. On the day these two face off in a federal campaign — coming soon, perhaps — the smart money is on the telegenic Montreal boxer wiping the floor with the plump, 40-something virgin from Calgary.

And that is why Jason is so preoccupied these days with Justin. He saw what Trudeau did to his Conservative pal Patrick Brazeau, and he doesn’t want it to happen to him.

Good luck with that.

 

54 Comments

  1. KP says:

    Gee, I wonder what the Canadian Taxpayers’ Federation would say about their ex-CEO’s spending on ‘ethnic media.’ Ha, just kidding. Like they’d go after one of their ex-employees. Or members of the Conservative Party. Sometimes I say crazy things.

  2. David I. says:

    “Shocking as it may sound, so have members of Kenney’s Conservative caucus. In fact, the top 10 MPs with the worst attendance records in the House of Commons last year were New Democrats and Conservatives. Not a single Liberal MP is on the list, however. Funny, that.”

    Would I be in poor taste in saying something back to Jack Layton?

  3. kit says:

    Ahhhhh what a pleasant picture in my head…. fat blob of Kenny grease splatter on the canvas. Wonder if he will cry as he lies there knowing he is just a loser.

  4. smelter rat says:

    Any day of the week Justin can do to Kenny intellectually what he did to the Brazman physically.

  5. lol, the 40 year old virgin. Problem is that bacteria multily by fission……

    • Nic Coivert says:

      Word is he’s a heterosexual virgin, not that that matters a wit, but those that protest too much inadvertently reveal.

  6. Kelly says:

    Kenney is a college drop out, as well. The most dangerous people are the ones who know a little about something, not the ones who know a lot.

  7. J.W. says:

    As someone was suggesting above: I agree, he thinks he’s the reincarnation of MacKenzie King. God maybe he is!

  8. Ted H says:

    “Of all the sexual aberrations, chastity is the strangest”. ~ Anatole France

  9. Joey Rapaport says:

    Maybe he has a crush on Justin… that’s my guess!

  10. Pat Heron says:

    That is just plain mean Warren but funny as hell! Thanks for my morning laugh!

  11. frmr disgruntled Con now Happy Lib says:

    Personally, I hope a second great wave of Trudeaumania washes over this country(my dad is spinning at the moment) and sweeps this sorry lot. including Jason Kenney, back under the rock from whence they came….

  12. Jon Evan says:

    “plump 40-something virgin”
    You are such a bully! You need to join pink shirt day and repent!
    http://www.dayofpink.org/

    • Michael Bluth says:

      That’s exactly the point.

      Only the Conservatives can be bullies. When WK exhibits the exact behaviour the Conservative’s are *sometimes accurately* accused of, it’s witty and deserved by the recipients.

      Hypocrisy … a great tool for a LPC still devoid of ideas and once again heading towards a saviour leader who will lead the party to a new historical low in terms of seats and vote percentage.

      • Elizabeth says:

        If he has bragged about being a virgin, then it’s fair game. I honestly thought, when first entering into the internet-politics-arena, that he had married Cathy Shaidle. I don’t know what gave me that impression, but I had it for a long time. No idea where it came from, but not so long ago realized it wasn’t true.

        • Michael Bluth says:

          What is the line between bragging and discussing? What does his personal sexual choices have to do with his weight?

          Is bullying something that a member of the Liberal party cannot be guilty of because, by definition, only Conservatives are bullies?

  13. Emily M says:

    Michael Bluth … arrested development, eh?

  14. T.W says:

    Kenny has always had that sinister look to him, like an accountant for the Mob, that sweaty pudgy face, the permanent 5 O’clock shadow etc.
    Smart guy yes, can’t take that away from him but if a boxing match should occur me thinks Kenny would probably get winded on his way to the ring then blame it on the Liberals.

  15. Brammer says:

    The monthly black and white 10 percenter (remember those…?) from my local CON MP quoted some blather about NDP tax hikes. Before I tossed it into the blue bin, I thought to myself, don’t these guys ever stop governing like they are running an election?

    Kenney’s blast against JT is more of the same, that and the relentless CEAP ads.

  16. JF says:

    Arguably? I don’t think it’s all that arguable at all.

  17. Philippe says:

    Anyone who brags and is proud of being a virgin at 40 years old has psychological issues.

  18. Elizabeth says:

    I’ve been a Trudeau supporter ever since I heard him argue with oh, anyone – and realized how intelligent he is. He’s the only one with the chutzpah and the charm to take on Harper. As for looks, yes he’s good-looking, but I’ve always noticed what a honker of a nose he has – a power nose. Belies the warm, friendly eyes. He is a fighter.

  19. Bill MacLeod says:

    You say: “In fact, the top 10 MPs with the worst attendance records in the House of Commons last year were New Democrats and Conservatives. Not a single Liberal MP is on the list, however. Funny, that.”

    Some dispute your numbers, but withouw worrying about who is right or wrong there, I want to look at it from another perspective.

    It’s not that statistically “funny” in fact. Since the Liberals hold just one-ninth of the seats in the House, one would only expect one Liberal to appear in a random list of 10 names. Whether there are two, or zero would hardly be statistically significant.

    Regards,

    Bill

  20. Elizabeth says:

    I’m probably repeating myself there; but just wait for it – next fall. All I ask is that Harper is cut off at the knees. Down in flames. Not even 3 seats left.

  21. Elizabeth says:

    Almost forgot – excellent column. 🙂

  22. storeboughthair says:

    Is anyone else getting repeated robocalls from their Tory MP offering a (perish the thought) “live electronic town hall on immigration” with Kenny? I couldn’t bring myself to listen but a 5-minute voice mail was left. Have never voted Tory (Etobicoke Centre – gotta love those dubious 26 votes) so wonder why I keep getting these calls – two so far this week and several others previously.

    • Ronald O'Dowd says:

      storeboughthair,

      They must have clicked on the wrong smiley face next to your data in CIMS! Either that or the database has caught a fever and is now having chills (probably courtesy of Elections Canada).

    • I suspect Kenney is building his database for future leadership contest. He is actually asking people to sign a petition on his own website, thanking him for cutting off health care coverage for (some) refugees. I think we all know what kind of people will sign such a petition. I bet Kenney is gnashing his teeth that he cannot tap into anti native sentiment. Who needs a ‘dog whistle’ when you can communicate directly with the racists and bigots?

  23. Billy boy says:

    I’m sorry Warren, these personal vindictive insults are beneath you, especially when you have so consistently and passionately argued the politcs is a blood sport that stops at one’s private life. There is so much to attack in Kenney’s political record that crass references to his virginity are completely uncalled for. This from someone who can’t remember the last time he came to the defence of a Conservative.

    • Michael Bluth says:

      The attacks are supposed to stop at the private lives of people who are acceptable to ‘progressives’.

      If an elected official does not meet the standards of progressives their personal lives are open to any and all attacks. That is the utter hypocrisy of far too many progressive commentators.

      Rights and respect for all … as long as we agree with your politics!

  24. Virgil Fitzpatrick says:

    Looking at the last election, if Liberals hold their 34 seats, they will have to pick up 121 seats to form a majority. They currently have zero in the North. Is only a handful in the West. Aside from a few urban strongholds, I think that under a Trudeau banner, the Party might as well right off the West, especially Alberta. Ignatieff tried to get Albertans to warm-up to the Libs with little success. For those legions who remember NEP, anti-Trudeauism is a literal obsession. Just the way it is. The Maritimes offer a chance to pick up some support. JT’s “socio-democratic” agenda could wrest some seats away from Mulcair. So, you pick up 1 up North, add 4 out West, 5 in the Maritimes equals 10, leaving 111 needed in Quebec and Ontario.

    OK, pick up say 40 in Quebec and 71 in Ontario. And here’s where it gets weird. To pick up that many seats in Quebec you will have out-Mulcair Mulcair which means unqualified Sovereigntist platform. Trudeau will have to completely disavow entirely and utterly the staunch federalism of his father and the Liberal Party or somehow convince the Quebecois en masse to abandon sovereignty. Is the later possible? Is the former possible? If so how? If there is a way, it should be implemented starting yesterday. If the leadership is already sewn up, start adding this to the debate now to get it out there.

    With Ontario you will have to find a way to utterly destroy Stephen Harper. Any chance to poach NDP seats will come via this strategy. Forget his minions. Everything must be focused on him. Whenever his ministers fuck up, don’t even mention them by name, say Stephen Harper did this or that. If you want a majority you have to go for broke. Get your spies out there. Start firing up those relationships with investigative journalists. Start publishing stories in the United States where they actually have freedom of speech (I know Warren you love Canadian libel laws ;P). Be relentless.

    Get out there my children.

  25. Robin says:

    Fun Fact: 97% of the 127 pictures on Citizenship & Immigration Canada’s website are pictures of Jason Kenney.

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