08.10.2013 05:30 PM

I grow old

Tomorrow, I get even older. So, I sit on the dock and I’m here with new GBV (Tobin Sprout is back!) and a quart of Beau’s Lug Tread, and the sun is heading West, and everything is okay. The little guy is up at the cabin, reading.

The death of Blue Rodeo’s keyboard guy has been replaying in my head, over and over. He was the same age as me – and he’s gone, just like that. I didn’t even know him, and I miss him.

Gets you thinking. I’m maybe not as young as I was. What if that happens to me? What if there’s something wrong inside me, and I don’t even know about it?

Well, there’s not much you can do. I’m happy for the first time in years, and I’m on the dock with a quart and GBV. The sunset looks like it was painted by God. (It was.)

I miss my Dad and so many others, too, but I’m going to wring out as much living as I can out of whatever is left.

Happy birthday to me. Take care, wherever all of you all are.

I am totally crying, right now, and I do not have a fucking clue why.

20130810-184325.jpg

27 Comments

  1. Bruce A says:

    In a soldier’s stance, I aimed my hand
    At the mongrel dogs who teach
    Fearing not that I’d become my enemy
    In the instant that I preach
    My pathway led by confusion boats
    Mutiny from stern to bow
    Ah, but I was so much older then
    I’m younger than that now

    Read more: http://www.bobdylan.com/ca/node/25772#ixzz2bbtv6hMl

  2. Liz Young says:

    Warren, I’ve always loved the authenticity of your words. This piece is one of the finer examples. Beautiful, real, justified, and humbling words put together to create a story, accompanied by a picture that possibly says even more. This post is both juxtaposed and perfectly complementary to the one a few days ago chronicling the week of joy – a collection of images that was but a glimpse of a week that you clearly enjoyed and one that perhaps caused others some envy. Enjoy the beauty of both worlds and celebrate your birthday because it marks the day that allowed you to participate in all of this.

  3. Michael Bussiere says:

    You’re crying because of the divine mystery of it all. The grief blended with the beauty, the loss blended with the eternal, the finite with the love of the Saviour.

    i’m sitting by my lake as well, Warren, alone for a day or so. And the light is a little softer than it was a few weeks ago. And the sun will set just a little further south each day, and will trace its way back and forth long after we are all gone, and the memories dissolve into nothing to no one. I keep memories here. Memories of my dad, and hope that my mum, recently found to have lymphoma, will join me one more time here. It’s supposed to get easier to accept as we get older, but it isn’t. I never felt such darkness as when she told me the news.

    And yet, there it is. the mystique of that which we call faith. It’s all we’ve really got. And it does make it sweeter, if bittersweet. And our hearts will ache, but with joy, in the power and the glory.

    Happy birthday from a brother you may never meet.

  4. Philippe says:

    Your best post ever Warren, and I mean that.

  5. !o! says:

    Reminds me of a 13th century sufi mystic poem:

    “Love Dogs

    One night a man was crying,
    Allah! Allah!
    His lips grew sweet with the praising,
    until a cynic said,
    “So! I have heard you
    calling out, but have you ever
    gotten any response?”

    The man had no answer to that.
    He quit praying and fell into a confused sleep.

    He dreamed he saw Khidr, the guide of souls,
    in a thick, green foliage.
    “Why did you stop praising?”
    “Because I’ve never heard anything back.”
    “This longing
    you express is the return message.”

    The grief you cry out from
    draws you toward union.

    Your pure sadness
    that wants help
    is the secret cup.

    Listen to the moan of a dog for its master.
    That whining is the connection.

    There are love dogs
    no one knows the names of.

    Give your life
    to be one of them.”

  6. GPAlta says:

    Happy Birthday, and thank you for everything you do
    (have to go call me parents now)

  7. Pipes says:

    I love you man!

    • Pipes says:

      Don’t know if this means much to anyone but me, but, what did Merlin tell King Arthur to do when he felt sad?

      I’ll give a few minutes to think about it and then send you the answer.

      • Pipes says:

        What did Merlin tell King Arthur to do when he felt sad?

        Merlin told Arthur to “learn something”.

        Dude Happy Birthday. I appreciate you more than you will ever know.

  8. Al in Cranbrook says:

    Friend about 50ish observed recently, we reach an age when it seems life quits giving, and starts taking.

    I turn 59 next month. I hear ya, every word.

    Have a good one, and many more!

    • Elisabeth Lindsay says:

      Of course you are a Leo. Mid-life….. Irish …… Leo. Of course you are nostalgic. Emphasis on the MID life Warren. May you have many many more wonderful birthdays on the dock.

  9. ernest lustig says:

    Happy BD to a great guy and a super Liberal, enjoy many more in the coming years

  10. Marc-André Chiasson says:

    Enjoy life to its fullest, Warren, and hug your kids every night…either in person or by Internet. Excellent bit of writing from the heart. And as Victor Hugo said:
    « Quarante ans, c’est la vieillesse de la jeunesse, mais cinquante ans, c’est la jeunesse de la vieillesse. »
    Hope you’re able to understand. Happy Birthday mon ami!

  11. smelter rat says:

    I cried my dyes out when Walter Cronkite passed. Weird, but necessary.

  12. Eric Weiss says:

    Great post. Realization of one’s mortality can be a crushing or a liberating thing.

    “Gets you thinking. I’m maybe not as young as I was. What if that happens to me? What if there’s something wrong inside me, and I don’t even know about it?

    Well, there’s not much you can do.”

    There is. Annual checkups and seeing the doctor the moment something doesn’t feel right. Men are the worst for this. We tend to try and shake things off instead of taking care of ourselves. We’re afraid to go to the doctor because they might find something wrong with us.

  13. partrick says:

    Yep, mortality sucks. I find denial to be rather blissful. Happy birthday.

  14. Marc J says:

    Great post and happy birthday.

  15. W the K - No, not Warren says:

    All my male friends – to a man – have wept like children when they realized their good fortune, post 45. Relative good health, prosperity, family, wisdom, etc.

    I think I’ll go out and buy a basket of peaches.

  16. brucethepainter says:

    Happy Birthday Mr Kinsella. We only ever have today. Rich or poor, young or oid.

    Rest in peace James.
    Live in peace Warren.

  17. Derek Pearce says:

    Happy Belated WK. And yes our time on this earth is very fleeting. Just got back from a family party in London yesterday, in honour of my uncle who died of cancer in April and was only 50 years old. We are still all in shock over it.

  18. Ronald O'Dowd says:

    Warren,

    They don’t call Leo the king for nothing. They are all very generous people with big hearts. Applied to my Dad and to my political mentor and second father, that certain CPC senator.

    Take care of yourself and consult yearly — not so much for oneself but for them.

    For now, you provoke change by influence. Later, by again being at the heart of making a diffetence.

    A belated Happy Birthday to the guy who doesn’t know the meaning of giving up.

  19. Chris P says:

    Happy (Belated) Birthday Warren – I’m coming up on the 14h. Were Liberal Leos which might explain why I agree with (almost) everything you write. Cheers. Enjoy.

  20. Rod says:

    It’s called “Old Age Despair”… according to my psychiatrist golfing buddy…lol

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