11.21.2014 09:19 AM

Eight reasons children of the Seventies should all be dead

This is brilliant. It made me laugh so hard, I fell off my Earth Shoes, knocked over a stack of eight track tapes, and wrecked my Farrah Fawcett poster collection.




  1. Jerry says:

    My father was an iron worker (bridges et al) and for some reason I went with him somewhere, stayed in a motel, I remember lying on the floor at the door trying to breathe though the sill-crack while a room full of iron workers drank and smoked their faces off.
    Had jarts, I remember (the now disgraced Bill Cosby’s) fat Albert/childhood stories about how much less safe playground equipment was compared to the urban-decay rubble pile playgrounds his friends and he started out playing on, I remember sitting in the back window of the station wagon, unbelted, waving at the cars following too close behind us. Go out side! And we did, lived off the ground in trees, traveled by fences and garage roofs, shimmied up the chimney-like spaces between two brick houses, played war with sticks and rubber band zip guns, gathered acorns to shoot with the iron-handled sling shot my dad made and gave me… never even knew what a coddled egg was until I was adult.

  2. Jerry says:

    Of course, my dad’s story was that he learned to swim when his dad took him out in a boat and dumped him in the water and told him to swim for the boat.

  3. ABoucher says:

    Who knows? Maybe all that second hand smoke and lack of sunscreen in the 70’s may still do us in.

  4. Marlowe Johnson says:

    ah sitting in the back of the voyageur bus on the way to marine land from Ottawa with my mom and brother. can still remember the awesome buzz i got from all the smoke. good times.

  5. smelter rat says:

    Everything said there goes double for the 60’s. Our school playground consisted of a small range of Canadian Shield granite, a slag pile created when the janitor dumped the contents of the boiler and a set of deadly swings that kids routinely tried to go “overbars” on.

  6. TimL says:

    I remember the good old days of station wagon road trips where we could crawl back and forth in the car with no seatbelts. My dad almost cut me in half putting up the back window not noticing I was climbing out.

    Someone should do a list on 70s schoolyard games that would be banned now. Piggyback fights, Redass, etc.
    Good times.

  7. Patrick says:

    Head butt in the nuts! A classic.

  8. Kevin says:

    Funny stuff. Reminds me how I learned to ride a bicycle. My older sister used to take me up and down the street while she held on to the back of the bike seat, so I could learn to balance the bike. After about a week of this the neighbour got tired of the routine and said “That’s no way to learn to ride. I’ll do it.” – so he grabbed the back of the seat and gave me a huge heave that sent me barreling down the street. Pedal or die, basically. But it worked (altho’ to this day my blood pressure is a bit high…..). HA!

  9. Steven says:

    Fond memories of sitting in the back of a car, unbelted, windows closed, with the adults in front chain-smoking away on long winter car trips.

  10. debs says:

    we are dead, were just zombies:)

  11. Chris says:

    More 70’s kids died young than they do now.

    I think that’s probably a good thing, although many oldsters seem to disagree.

  12. MississaugaPeter says:

    We were so much tougher then.

    I’m not sure about others, but in Calgary we were expected to take public transit (not school buses) on our own from grade 7, and it was a great honour to be head “crossing guard” in grade 6.

    Did any of you ever get “the strap” in school?

    • MississaugaPeter says:

      In 1977, the U.S. Supreme Court felt “the strap” was acceptable. How times a changing.


    • MedEditor says:

      Public transit from grade 7? Wimp!

      When I was in grade 2, Mom would give me tickets to take the Bannantyne bus from Melrose to St. Ignatius School (Montreal) whenever the weather was too bad for walking.

      And I still have a scar on my chin from the face-plant (or chin-plant, I guess) that I took one day when jumping all the low pipe fences of the yards during my walk home. It was just my bad luck that the fence I didn’t quite clear was one going from the grass to the paved walk. I remember Mom dragging me off to the local pharmacy for advice on whether she should take me to the hospital for stitches, which would have taken a hunk out of the household budget. Result: No stitches for me!

  13. JT says:

    We weren’t lucky enough to get jarts, but I fondly remember klackers and the lovely bruises and forearm injuries that occurred when you got it wrong. Two glass or hard acrylic balls on a string. Oh yeah. They don’t make toys like that anymore.

  14. Joe says:

    In the 60s our elementary school had an outdoor rink and all the kids were expected to go skating during the noon hour break. I remember some of the kids being ridiculed by the teacher because they didn’t go skating at noon. It was 42 below that noon hour and those three kids had stayed inside. The rest of us went skating as usual.

  15. patrick says:

    Klackers! And after watching African hunters use similar things to bring down wild animals they were especially fun. Hey Tommy lets play African Savanna. You be the antelope. Run. I got in so much trouble and nobody even died, or even got taken down….well totally down. Good times.

  16. Mike Bluth says:

    I remember getting one of the first light sabers after Star Wars came out in 1977.

    Long, rock hard tubes of plastic with a flashlight inside. So unsafe. So much fun.

  17. Rob says:

    My grandparents had a large farm. In the winter one of the hired workers would hook up a big snow trailer behind the snowmobile and pull about a dozen of us cousins around the farm, which included spinning donuts on the frozen dugout. No helmets of course. One tight corner sent me flying off the back of the trailer and I was suddenly on my back on the ice, sitting up, with everybody around me. I wondered how they all got there so fast. They said they were at the other side of the farm when they noticed I was missing, and they backtracked for 20 mins until they saw me spread eagled on my back on the ice, still unconscious.

    I got back on the trailer for more rides.

    Good times, good times.

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