…but, in all seriousness, the now-infamous Toronto Star vs. Mayor Moron match has fully entered the pantheon of Totally Stupid Things.  My take:

• Reporters who show up with uncharged recording devices should be beaten, although perhaps not by rampaging mayors (roll over and play dead when mayors attack!);
• If a politician ever looks they are going to hit you, let them, as your path to a Pulitzer is thereafter guaranteed, and a huge lawsuit payout too; and
• The Fords have now, irretrievably, turned Canada’s largest city into an episode of The Beverley Hillbillies, with Doug and Rob playing the role of the Clampetts with aplomb and style.

The Right will defend the Fords, the Left will defend the Star.

Both sides look bad.  And, meanwhile, the ostensibly World Class City® continues to drift.

Mel Lastman, come back.  Compared to this guy, you look like Winston Churchill, now.

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…I am profoundly sad at the passing of James Marker.

Hawkins Cheezies are more than the greatest cheesie-type snack. They are the sine qua non of munchies. Out West, as a teenager in Calgary, slurpees and Hawkins Cheezies and, um, nothing illegal whatsoever made up a significant part of our regular nocturnal intake. There was nothing I loved better (and still don’t, ask my kids) than lounging after a punk gig with a Coke slurpee in one hand, and a bag of orangey delightfulness in the other.

I pay tribute to Mr. Marker today, and to all of his staff and his company. They have made my tour on this Earthly coil immeasurably better, and they have brought me to a higher plane of consciousness.

God bless you, Mr. Marker, and God bless Hawkin’s Cheezies.

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It means we work really, really hard, like we are way, way behind. And we leave nothing to chance.

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…guess that didn’t make it into the story.

I like this part, however:

“Kinsella said he’s fair game, because he’s partisan.

“But spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends and family members are not,” he said.

Kirbie told The Daily News the MPP’s comment was “gratuitous and beyond insulting . . . It’s the kind of thing Archie Bunker would say, not a Member of Provincial Parliament.”

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I react with horror and alarm as a giant disembodied hand prepares to high-five the Prime Ministerial forehead.

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Here:

A prominent Progressive Conservative who sat on a variety of ORNGE boards and gave a consultancy job to founder Chris Mazza’s girlfriend told a hearing probing the air ambulance scandal he resigned when he found out about Mazza’s salary.

Pathway Group’s Kelly Mitchell, who was involved in PC Leader Tim Hudak’s election campaign, said his first experience with being a board member was at ORNGE. He sat on half-a-dozen ORNGE public and for-profit company boards.

And:

Liberal MPP David Zimmer quizzed Mitchell on why he hired Kelly Long to be a consultant.

Long, a former waitress and water-ski instructor, was a Pathway consultant at ORNGE who later moved up to an associate vice-president job at the scandal plagued agency.

Mitchell told reporters Mazza gave him Kelly Long’s name.

And:

In 2008, Mitchell was also the campaign chair for Conservative Tony Clement, who is now head of the federal Treasury Board.

And, what a total coincidence! Ornge’s lawyers were Lynne Golding! And Guy Giorno! And former Mike Harris “policy analyst” Perry Martin!  All card-carrying, big-wig Conservatives!

Isn’t that coincidence interesting?

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Wonder if he got asked about his senior advisor getting tens of thousands from Ornge? He will today, if not.

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Many years ago, while Conservatives were still the government, an Ontario PC lobbyist introduced me to Chris Mazza. Mazza was a Toronto doctor hoping to set up an air ambulance service.

He was also, the Con told me, a hardcore Conservative supporter. He and his chief fart-catcher – another Conservative partisan, named Dr. Blum – met me and described their plans for their empire. They also expressed the fervent hope Ontario Liberals would never form government.

I thought they were nut cases, and never ran into them again. In the past few months, of course, I’ve heard all about their exploits. And about their use of card-carrying Conservative campaign managers and lobbyists and lawyers.

This morning, we now see why Tim Hudak’s minions tried to use QP yesterday to slime Liberals, and friends of Liberals.

They knew what was coming.

Mazza, a water ski enthusiast, had met and become close friends with Long, a former water ski instructor who worked as an account manager at a Newmarket water ski club.

Kelly Mitchell, one of the Pathway Group partners, received a call from Mazza in October 2005, asking him if he would hire a young woman to work as a consultant.

Mitchell did not need a new consultant, but — eager to continue doing business with ORNGE — he decided to do Mazza a favour. He interviewed Long in December 2005 and hired her with a start date of early January 2006…

The contract, between Ontario Air Ambulance (which became ORNGE) and Pathway Group, provides the full-time services of a Pathway employee (Long) on a secondment basis starting August 15, 2006. Pathway was paid $8,836 plus GST each month, along with all approved expenses, the contract states.
 

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From Fraser Allison, at frasman@shaw.ca:

Occasionally, while having a coffee at a Second Cup and having nothing better to do, I have a look through the Calgary Sun ‘newspaper’. I noted your photo in your column and it seems that you have a very large mis-shapen head (forehead in particular) which leads me to believe that you may have been the result of an abortion gone wrong. Is this why you are so concerned with the abortion issue or is it just some of your left wing liberal crap that you spew forth on a regular basis?
 

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…but not down the memory hole.  From a year ago:

The NDP got its first taste of the perils of prominence Wednesday after being forced to handle two public relations disasters as the newly elected Official Opposition.

While MP-elect Ruth Ellen Brosseau was scrutinized for allegedly filing falsified nomination papers in Quebec, deputy leader of the NDP, Thomas Mulcair, drew gasps when he said he does not believe the United States government has photographs of terrorist Osama bin Laden. He also hinted there may be “more going on,” behind the scenes of his assassination than the U.S. is making known.

“I don’t think, from what I’ve heard, that those pictures exist. And if they do, I’ll leave that up to the American military,” Mr. Mulcair said during an appearance on the CBC TV’s Power and Politics Wednesday.

Asked again whether he thinks the photos exist, Mr. Mulcair said: “No, I don’t think they do. If they’ve got pictures of a cadaver, there’s probably more going on than we suspect in what happened there.”

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