01.06.2014 04:00 PM

Baseless speculation. Plus: It’s colder than a flattened toad on a Manitoba backroad in February

…but I have just received amazing, awesome legal news.  It warms my tiny black heart.

However, I am not permitted to tell you about it for a period of one month. Sorry.

And, no, it is not the big news I promised some time ago.  Got 57 great suggestions about what I will be doing, however.  Here are some of the best ones:

  • Playing in Sochi for men’s hockey team
  • Playing in Sochi for women’s hockey team
  • Thought you were going for the Fed Lib nomination for Toronto Centre….so that’s now out……hmmm…..another Lib nomination nearby, perhaps…..
  • You will run in Trin-Spadina
  • Work is finally complete on that long-awaited Paul Anka/SFH duets album?
  • Two words: sex change! No, wait: jail time! No, wait: NDP membership!
  • Leaving SFH to join a John Tesh Tribute band?
  • Running Trudeau’s war room. Pre, during and post election.
  • Ford’s campaign manager in his run for mayor.
  • Newest member of One Direction?
  • I had also thought that maybe he’d been conscripted into the band Porno For Pyros, or maybe he was going to start a new one: The Geyzer-Geezers.
  • Putting the old band back together for a reunion show a la Hard Core Logo?
  • You’re going to be the next feral [sic] Green Party leader?
  • Hosting your own daily or weekly current affairs talk show on Sun News Network possibly including a regular weekly panel of pundits called “NOT Ford Nation”.
  • You’re pregnant?
  • Switching to boxers?
  • You’re going to run for the Liberal Nomination in Beaches-East York. (I’m a devout Atheist, but I’m praying for that one.)
  • You’re replacing Tai Wilkenfeld as Jeff Beck’s bass player you dastardly mustache twirling top hat wearing rip off their face burned out rocker guy
  • You are going to join Joe Fontana’s defense team.
  • You’re running Khan Noonian Singh’s War Room.
  • You are getting a REAL JOB?????
  • Gotta be The Senate.
  • You are going to prepare for the next phase of your life by cultivating your inner self, your spiritual side, withdraw from the hurley burley, spend more time in contemplation and meditation, wear a loose robe, surrender your worldly goods and desires, become more like Dostoevki’s Father Zosima in ‘Brothers Karamazov.
  • The War Room is going to be made into a film and Keith Richards has agreed to play the role of Mike Duffy with Iggy Pop as Prime Minister?
  • You’re finally going to admit that all this climate change BS is just a hoax.
  • Sexual reassignment surgery.
  • Running for elected office as a PC/Conservative…what a big change that would be!
  • You’re going to start making Kraft Dinner with milk…..for the win!
  • Trading the shitty P-bass for an Ernie Ball Stingray.
  • Moving to Halifax…or at least opening a branch office of Daisy there. If I’m right, do I win a SFH Tee (XL please).
  • You are moving to DC to participate in Billarry’s Pres. election campaign
  • Moving to Mercury. Waiting for Green Card.

I can say that two of you actually guessed the big news.  Also: gender reassignment seems to be something some of you really wish I would consider.  And: moving far away.

There’s a message there for me, somewhere.




  1. Tired of it All says:

    So, then, since Fallis got his show, you’re gonna get yours? Do you play your boss in the show to Ryan Gosling’s you?

  2. e.a.f. says:

    if it warms your tiny black heart?? and we have to wait 59 days, you are pregnant. o.k. perhaps the lovely young woman you dragged to New york with you is.

    Or, they have dropped lawsuits against you and the paper work needs to be finalized.

    59 days is about 3 months, so that puts it into april. you’re going to be the easter bunny?
    green card comes through and you are out of Canada headed to a new job, in the U.S.A.
    the hockey playing is definitely out
    so is the band thing as is the moving thing.
    perhaps one of the elder off spring is going to ensure you become a grandfather. there goes your reputation.

    now onto blogs which are less fun. just to check out how Legal Schnauzer is doing in alabama–he’s still in jail and his First amendment rights are still being violated. You can be glad you’re a blogger in Canada. As a matter of fact Roger Shuler is the only journalist being held in jail for doing this job, in all of north and south america. ah, the lovely state of alabama.

  3. albertaD says:

    I officially wanna be a Geyser-Geezers Groupie.

  4. jh says:

    I got with either making, what used to be referred to as an honest woman out of that nice lady, or running for a seat somewhere.

  5. JH says:

    My default position is your own show on SUN. Please let it be up against those two nonenities Don Martin and Evan Soloman! Oh for some honest commentary and an even-handed host!

  6. Ridiculosity says:

    To paraphrase Warren Kinsella, “If he runs, I’m there, baby!”

  7. Luke says:

    Wait wait wait. Your post used to list people’s guesses that you would run the Chow campaign, but I see no such content now. Was your hint that two people guessed right too revealing, so you had to remove reference to her campaign? Mystery solved, I think. Maybe.

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