Over the years, I’ve heard some wonderful stories from CTV drivers about having to pick up guests and on-air personalities who were, well, a bit in the bag. They’d been up really really late, or partying, doing what journalists on expense accounts like to do, and they’d almost miss their pick-up time, or look like a sack of shinola, or both.

Anyway: this morning, I was awoken by someone loudly knocking on my door. “Your CTV driver is here! Wake up!” they said. You’ve never seen a guy get dressed that fast.

Here’s a little video done in the car, post-Question Period, in which I confess what it was that kept me up so late.  It’s shocking.

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Quite a few of you are going to laugh about this, I suspect.

On my brand-new shiny iPad, when I tap on the “Apps Store” – where I was promised untold delights awaited me – I get this:

So, um, now what? I can’t create a US iTunes account because I’m in, well, Canada.

So what now, Team Propellerhead?

Also, if I throw the iPad like a frisbee, will it bounce?

UPDATE: By purchasing a Vanilla MasterCard at Shopper’s, and creating a US-based iTunes account, the thing now works just tickety-boo. Here, then, is a W@AL vid on the stuff I like about it:

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Here it is, folks! The iQueue finally paid off!

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Lots of people getting really, really upset with Apple here in the i-lineup: most of the folks who haven’t purchased an elusive iPad are still waiting to get in – and the stores opened more than an hour ago!

A little boy behind me looks like he’s getting ready to cry. Way to go, Jobs.

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I just saw this bit in one of the kabillion iPad-related stories I’ve been reading since 5 a.m., here in the i-lineup. It got me and a couple other guys laughing. It also got them to stop talking about operating systems, however briefly.

“…Late-night TV comic Stephen Colbert proved as much earlier this week, skewering our gadget-obsessed zeitgeist as he pulled the world’s most coveted computer from beneath his faux news desk and proceeded to use his iPad as a blade, slicing and dicing a tray of tomatoes into a pulpy mass, all with a triumphant grin that would make grill-shilling George Foreman blush.

“Never mind how I got it,” Colbert said of his rarer than rare electronic prize. “I had two kidneys … Luckily there is an app that filters urine…”

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Some people near me in the iPad line-up outside the Apple store are talking about the different types of fibre optic cables.

Pause.

You know, I think no jury would convict me for what I am thinking about doing right now.

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Okay, now they are talking about the many uses of the “F1” key.

Fortunately, I am in the United States, so I can readily purchase a firearm to shoot myself with.

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A guy from Burlington just showed up with a knapsack with solar panels on it.

Pray for me.

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I’m in a line-up with about 20 hardcore Apple nuts at the Galleria Mall in Buffalo. There are actually two line-ups – one for losers like me, who didn’t “reserve” an iPad, and one line-up for losers who did.

A guy beside me, an engineer, asked a guy in the reserved line why he was lined up three hours before the store opens, and the guy shrugged and said: “Now we’re guaranteed guaranteed.”

I have fully, completely stepped into The Land of the Nerdlings. God help me.

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So this kid at the Apple store in Buffalo looks at me like I’m crazy – crazy – when I say I don’t want to line up at 2 a.m.

As my daughter says: “Dad, it’s just an oversized Touch. Get a grip.”

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