Archives

Comments (2)

Dear World:

Justin Trudeau here. Remember me?

You were in love with me once. You put me on the cover of Rolling Stone. The Washington Post once called me “the anti-Trump.” The Christian Science Monitor wondered if I was “Canada’s JFK.” USA Today wrote that I had “charm, good looks, and progressive policies on feminism and diversity.”

Well, that was then and this is now, I guess.

I won’t bother to repeat some of the things you say about me now, World. They’re not very nice.

I mean, sure, my feminism took a bit of hit when, um, it was alleged that I groped a female reporter. But I repeat what I told her: I wouldn’t have done so if she had told me she was a writer for a national newspaper!

And, OK, Donald Trump and I both arguably obstructed justice — him for cronies, and me for a Liberal party donor being prosecuted for corruption. Sure. But he was impeached, and I wasn’t!

And, yes, my diversity credentials aren’t what they used to be. Lying about where I was on the day I set aside for Indigenous Truth and Reconciliation — and instead jetting off to a surfer’s beach in Tofino, and lounging at an $18-million mansion — wasn’t so progressive, I suppose. But I expressed “regret”! Isn’t that enough, World?

Anyway, World, we are BFFs no more. We aren’t besties like we used to be. I acknowledge that, and know who is to blame.

You, World. You are to blame. I’m the same guy — same chiselled jaw, same flowing locks. It’s you who has changed, World.

And I am serving my revenge, um, hot, World. My revenge is Melanie Joly.

You don’t know much about Melanie, now, but I guarantee you will, soon enough. She’s going to leave an impression on you, and you’re not going to like it.

Here’s a sampling of Melanie Joly’s gravest hits, World. Not one of these is made up.

Canada’s 150th birthday celebrations. Countries only turn 150 once — but Melanie, as minister responsible, turned ours into an unmitigated fiasco. Indigenous youth protested it, and citizens hated it, and even wrote to me about it. A sampling: “I have never seen such a poor, chaotic display. Shame on you Ottawa.” And: “Please, (Minister Joly), I beg you to step out of your protective shell and acknowledge what a mess Canada Day was and take some responsibility for it.” And: “Time for you to resign!” Ouch.

The Netflix fiasco. Melanie gifted the streaming giant tax-free status for a piddling amount of investment in Canada’s cultural sector — including in her home province, Quebec. The media weren’t impressed. The Globe and Mail said Melanie’s “fall from grace has been swift and merciless, sped by her maladroit attempts to sell a deal with Netflix.” The National Post noted that she had been “savaged in Quebec media, artistic and political circles.” And her hometown paper, the Journal de Montreal, said she sounds “like a living answering machine having a nervous breakdown.” Double ouch.

Ottawa Holocaust Monument.Melanie commissioned one, but she forgot something. The Washington Post noticed: “(Joly) forgot to mention Jews on the new Holocaust monument dedication plaque.” Oops.

Parliament Hill hockey rink. Melanie had a rink built on Parliament Hill, which was nice. Not nice: The rink (a) prohibited the playing of hockey; (b) was going to be in existence for less than a month; and (c) was a block from the biggest skating rink in the world, the Rideau Canal. Oh, and this, from the Toronto Star: “The rink is budgeted to cost about $215,385 per day that it’s open.” That worked out to about $300 per skater. Ouch, ouch, ouch!

Anyway, you get the picture, World. If you’re not nice to me anymore, I’m not going to be nice to you. So, I give you Melanie Joly, the worst cabinet minister in the history of Canada.

Take that, World.

Sincerely,

Justin

Comments (29)

Jean Chretien is a winner at politics — and at putting together a cabinet, too.

Consider this: During his 40-year political career, he never lost an election. With three back-to-back majorities, he is the winningest prime minister in modern times.

He beat Quebec separatism, twice. He brought home the Constitution and gave us a Charter of Rights. He held every major portfolio in the governments of Mike Pearson and Pierre Trudeau.

He was, and remains, consulted by international leaders, U.S. presidents, and Her Majesty the Queen.

And when he left active politics in 2003 — on his own terms, not because anyone pushed him out — his approval rating remained above 60%.

Chretien is a winner.

(And, sure, I’m biased. I was his special assistant and then, later, his friend. I would take a bullet for him.)

But objectively, if you were putting together a government — if you were putting together a cabinet, or putting together some contentious policy proposal — wouldn’t you pick up the phone to seek his advice?

He doesn’t charge for it. He’s willing to give free advice to any prime minister who gives him a ring.

Justin Trudeau — whose legacy is now proven to include scandal and political failure — needed to consult with Jean Chretien. But did he do that enough?

Well, Trudeau rolls out his new cabinet Tuesday morning. And Chretien — reached in Montreal when promoting the second volume of his new book, My Stories, My Times — doesn’t reveal if he was consulted on that new cabinet.https://www.youtube.com/embed/3Cz8aRnk5gE?embed_config={%27relatedChannels%27:%20[],%27autonav%27:true}&autoplay=0&playsinline=1&enablejsapi=1

But, exclusively, Chretien has given the Toronto Sun some excerpts from the new book about how to build a cabinet. Check this one out, which tells for the first time how Paul Martin only became finance minister at the last possible moment:

“When we won the election on Oct. 25, 1993, I had to form a cabinet. What was I going to do with my two main adversaries for the party leadership, Paul Martin and Sheila Copps? It was the strategy of Lincoln, who did not lack for opponents in his own camp when he became president of the United States, that inspired me in forming my cabinet. He had given them the greatest possible responsibilities.  

With Copps, it was easy: I named her deputy prime minister and minister of the environment, which delighted her. With Martin, it was much more complicated. I told him that I wanted him to be my finance minister, because I believed that there was no problem more important than the deficit, the national debt, the unemployment rate, and the high interest rates.

He replied that that post was the graveyard of politicians, and he wanted to become the new C.D. Howe, the all-powerful minister of industry and commerce under Prime Minister Louis  St.  Laurent.  I  retorted that John Turner and I had been finance minister before becoming party leader and prime minister. After a number of exchanges, he told me clearly that he would not accept finance, but that he’d be happy with industry and commerce. Given this refusal, I offered John Manley the post of finance minister, which he accepted. Forty-eight hours before the swearing-in, Martin called me to say that he’d changed his mind and would finally agree to be finance minister. It’s clear that had I not insisted, he would never have known all the glory that this post brought him. I had to call John Manley back. He’d been finance minister for only 48  hours, but he would have the position again later on.”

That anecdote provides Justin Trudeau with the best advice of all: don’t play favourites. Don’t cater to big egos. Don’t blink.

Will Justin Trudeau take the advice? We may find out Tuesday morning.

— Kinsella was Chretien’s special assistant

Comments (17)