With thousands of British Columbians facing dangerous flooding, inflation soaring to 20-year highs, and the virus surging again, it’s comforting to know that the Conservative Party of Canada is focused on the timing of a leadership review.

But, really, that’s just business as usual for the Tories, isn’t it? They never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.

They’d rather talk about themselves. Not you, Canada.

It’s nothing new, but it’s still plenty weird. They’re the only credible alternative to the worst prime minister in a century. They held him to a minority government, twice, when it looked certain he’d do much better. They have representation in every region and every province.

But their eyes are trained, laser-like, on their own navels.

There they were, again, this week. A Conservative senator from Saskatchewan, Denise Batters, announced the launch of a slick online petition to ditch her leader, Erin O’Toole.

This writer has gotten to know Batters over the past couple years, and can attest to the fact that she is no bloodthirsty Paul Martin-style mutineer. She’s a sensitive and thoughtful person, and therefore harder for Team O’Toole to demonize.

And she’s a fan of irony. “Mr. O’Toole flip-flopped on policies core to our party within the same week, the same day, and even within the same sentence. The members didn’t have a say on that, but we must have one on his leadership,” Batters declared in a statement she released to the media.

This is where the irony part comes in. Said the good senator: “We can’t afford to see our party ripped apart again. When we’re divided, the Liberals win.”

Except, um, publicly calling for your party’s leader to be fired is the dictionary definition of “divided.” That’s what “ripping part” literally is.

Irony meter: Exploded.

Look, this space carries no brief for Ever O’Terrible. He’s remarkably unremarkable, and he prefers to have multiple positions on single issues — carbon taxes, assault weapons, vaccinating his candidates, you name it. The federal Conservative leader is the Chinese food buffet of Canadian politics — an hour after trying him out, you’re feeling hungry again.

But declaring a Tory civil war, right now, is a really bad idea. Three reasons. First, as noted above, it’s a minority Parliament. With the able assistance of The Prime Minister Without A Portfolio, Jagmeet Singh, Justin Trudeau could engineer an election in a snap.

Secondly, as was also noted above, there’s more pressing issues to be pressed. I mean, Senator Batters, have you looked at the footage of what B.C. is experiencing this week? At all?

Thirdly, we in the media positively love every skirmish in every civil war, because if something bleeds, it leads, etc. Writing about political fratricide is a lot more fun than writing about boring old policy stuff.

But you won’t like the result, Team Tory. This writer was a frontline warrior in the Jean Chretien-Paul Martin wars, which went on for years. I personally had a lot of fun, because I’m a walking Irish pub fight. But did anyone else win?

The Liberal Party of Canada sure didn’t. For the political sin of washing its dirty laundry in public, the public put the Grits in the penalty box for a decade.

Will the Conservatives listen to me? Of course not. Nobody listens to me.

Even so, you’d be well-advised to exercise extreme caution, Senator Batters et al. Wars are easy to start.

They’re not ever easy to stop.

— Warren Kinsella was chairman of the federal Liberal war rooms in 1993 and 2000

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Link to the judgment here!

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Pandemics aren’t a ton of fun.

The current one has caused economic chaos, political instability and no shortage of anxiety, planet-wide. For musicians and for those who promote live music, however, it’s been really, really — really — bad.

For months, musicians haven’t been able to make a living playing gigs — because, in the era of illegal downloading and low-return streaming, gigging is how most of them keep the lights on. Around 75% of their income is derived from live shows.

Meanwhile, the clubs and bars and arenas that offer shows haven’t been able to do so for 20 months, give or take. The World Economic Forum estimates that the music industry is worth around $50 billion annually — and half that figure, from live shows, simply evaporated when COVID-19 commenced upending our lives.

So, for Calgary punk rock legends Chixdiggit — and for the legendary Bovine Sex Club in Toronto, Canada’s own CBGB — their joint return, this past weekend, was really, really (really) good. It was the 30th anniversary of both the club and the band, and the Bovine was packed — with verified, fully-vaccinated punk rock fans.

Before taking to the Bovine’s stage, Chixdiggit — KJ Jansen (guitar and vocals), Billy Dixon (guitar), Tyler Pickering (drums) and Rob Gruszecki (bass) — gathered in the storied apartment of club owner Daryl Fine, and talked about their first big shows in two years.

“Alberta didn’t really have lockdown, but you guys (in Ontario) had a lockdown,” notes Jansen, the band’s frontman. “Not to get political, but we had a premier that kind of made us jealous of Ontario’s premier.”

Even so, the decision to play the 30th anniversary shows didn’t happen overnight, says Jansen, because the band, and the Bovine, wanted to do them in the right way. The safe way. At the Bovine on the weekend — where Yours Screwly was naturally in attendance, being a bit of a Calgary punk myself — I witnessed more security and screening than I’ve experienced anywhere else.

“The original 30th anniversary party was going to be 40 people in seats, sitting down,” says Fine, the club’s longtime owner, and the guy with one of the biggest Rolodexes in rock’n’roll. “It would have been less of a celebration. Conveniently, (Doug) Ford has opened us up and allowed us to be full capacity.”

Even with all the precautions they’re taking, Hansen and Fine agree that it was essential that Chixdiggit’s shows were hale, hearty and healthy. Says Fine: “We have a 100% protocol for vaccine passports. We’re checking everyone at the door, plus the Bovine has a 100% staff mandate for two vaccines. We’re not too nervous. And the fact that venues and bars are complying is helping Ontario succeed in lowering the case rate.”

“And that was a big part of Chixdiggit wanting to come out here,” says Hansen. “Alberta’s pandemic was handled very differently. When we looked at Ontario’s vaccination rate compared to Alberta, I thought, holy s***, that sounds like a paradise. So, if we were going to come back and play a show, we wanted to do it at the Bovine in Ontario.”

And what a show it was. Chixdiggit reminded all in attendance why they are considered Canada’s best-ever punk band. Their tunes — about girls, growing up and hockey — are catchier than a drawer full of fish hooks. And, at the Bovine over the weekend, they had the place rockin’ like it hasn’t in a long, long time.

“We want to put on a great show,” concludes Hansen, “and we want to keep everyone safe.”

And they did, on both counts.

— Warren Kinsella, who is older than dirt, was a member of Calgary’s first punk band, the Hot Nasties, and we’re not sure why we let him in here.

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